Every step has a purpose…

These past few days has been a blur to say the least. I spent a ton of time being depressed. At one point I was putting the baby to sleep and I was crying along with her. I’m not exactly sure what caused my tears. However, the good thing about breaking down is that it puts you on track to build yourself back up. My partner walked in the room while I was trying desperately to soothe the baby…while crying like a maniac. He wanted to know how he could make it better. Truthfully, I didn’t even know what the “it” was that I wanted to improve. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I was pouring from an empty cup. It is so easy to be so engrossed in others that you miss opportunities to do something for yourself. So the next day he took us all out to eat. It wasn’t anywhere special..we went to Applebee’s and got the 2 for $25 special and toasted to the good life while consuming their alcoholic beverages that barely had any alcohol. But it was an outing that I didn’t know I needed until we got there. Maybe it was the food…but I’ve been thinking about ways to maintain this happiness ever since. Instead of focusing on the things I cannot do (it seems like a whole lot at times) I’m just going to focus on the things that I can. I have been trying to teach myself to take one step at a time..but most importantly, step with a purpose. Not everything needs to be done at this time. It is hard for a go getter to be told to wait but I am watching life unfold. I’ve been spending a lot of time preparing for the next phase of my life because i’m certain that my greatness will happen. Nothing particular has changed in my life. I’m just trying a new approach. I’ve picked up a new hobby and I am looking for a part time job. Trying to not be distracted by the nuances of life. It’s so easy to be bitter, tired and lonely. It’s hard to be patient, determined and earnest. I’m trying and I’m failing and then trying again.

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